Growing my New Work #2
Last month, I began a regular column to share the ‘nitty gritty’ experiences of growing some new businesses, in hopes that these may be useful to others. This is my second post in the series.
Of Muggledom and Milestones: The test continues
by Eric Hellman
“In the Harry Potter book series, a muggle is a person who lacks any sort of magical ability
and was not born into the magical world." (Wikipedia)
In my previous article, I wrote about a test project I've been doing - of trying to listen to the 'voice for Love' within to guide my work/life, rather my regular "shoulds." (See I hate to Work.) My first 60-days of the test were an amazing time in which I was feeling more freedom, flow and joy in my work than I had in years.
Unfortunately, the last 30 days have felt closer to muggledom, I must confess. Not that it’s been a bad month. But when you’ve experienced magic, you know how different the 'normal' way feels. The flow, the ease, the joy just weren’t quite there in the same way. I could feel myself pushing to do things more than I had in the previous two months. And most of all, I had difficulty even asking myself the question I had posed: What would I like to do today?
Part of me actually felt scared asking it, as if I was being lascivious or irresponsible. How dare I guide my life by such a question??? I did think of it often enough. But most days, I couldn’t give myself permission to open that inner door, and touch those feelings in quite the same way.
In A Course in Miracles, there are many descriptions of how the ego - our small or fearful mind or self image - tries to block out awareness of Spirit, or our true Self. And that is rather how I’ve been feeling the past month. My default thinking simply has difficulty accepting joy and love, fun and play, as part of work.
That’s the shadow side of my last month's reflections. But I haven’t yet mentioned the light side – which, in its own and different way, was something also unexpectedly magical.
Getting Feedback on the Work I had Done
For the past three months, I have been developing a website on the new work I call "conscious change." I reported last month that I had finished it. However, after sharing the results with a couple of friends, I realized that I had some more work to do.
Note: I'd like to take a moment here to marvel at the power of feedback in growing our work. The ability of others to see what we cannot is truly amazing. Not that we always like to hear it, mind you, because we so want others to love and value what we do. But since we are so close to our own work that we often lose perspective, it's important to have others around us to tell us what they see.
After several people expressed almost the same comments about my site, I knew that I needed to make some changes. It began with adding one page, and then another. Those led me to have to make changes to the content on other pages. And as result, I ended up making extensive revisions to the whole site.
What was 'precious' about the process was that my inner truth kept pushing me forward. While one part of me kept saying "enough already," something in me knew that it wasn’t quite there... I wasn’t quite done. I actually wanted to do more, because I wanted it to sing inside of me.
Then last week, something shifted. One day, I knew that I was done. And with it came an incredible rush or flow: a mixture of joy, exhaustion, gratitude and peace. For, without realizing it, I had just accomplished a milestone in my work and life.
How Many of Us Long to Communicate 'Spirit' to Others?
Thirty-five years ago, when I consciously began my spiritual journey, I had had a kind of revelation. I was given a glimpse of a world and an understanding that I had never had before. The realization of what a "spiritual worldview" meant, to my life and work, so changed me that I could not describe it to others. And that was a challenge for me, because my work was communications: speaking and writing about how we can change our world.
For the past 35 years, I have been trying to find a bridge between my old worldview and this new one, so that I could share what I saw and learned and have come to know with those who don't speak my new language. And last week, I knew that finally that bridge had been built.
I’ll be sharing more of that story in a future newsletter. But for now I just want to say that, while the "magic of flow and ease" may not have been as present during the month past, the truly rich feeling of having accomplished a life’s work has been almost more than I can share...
Eric Hellman is a communications and change coach, and the director of the Centre for Spirituality at Work. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. The website he referred to in this article can be found at http://www.consciouschange.info.