To My Spirit at Work Community....
It's a bit hard to talk about this, so publicly. Yet if anyone is likely to understand, it’s people like you, in a group like this. It’s also something I want to encourage in our network, i.e. telling our stories. So here goes...
Thirty five years ago, I was working in the environmental field – communicating new ideas like recycling and the Blue Box, and bringing them into the mainstream. And I loved it. I would go anywhere, anytime to talk about them. At the same time, I was in great turmoil. I feared the problems I saw growing in the world, and wondered why they seemed to keep getting larger. I was also in deep personal conflict, in my young marriage and with others in my field. My whole being was calling out for help. And it was this search for answers, and inward peace, that led me unexpectedly to a teaching called A Course in Miracles - and the start of my spiritual journey.
This was not something I relished, however. The Course brought me face to face with my fierce resistance to God, Christianity and anything religious. It also challenged my scientific worldview and basic concepts about reality; my ideas about how to create change, how to see other people and deal with the conflicts in my life. You might say it confronted me on every level. And yet... through daily spiritual practice, I found that it worked; it really did create healing and positive change in my life.
Wanting to share these new insights with others, I tried to communicate them. But my fumbling attempts to do so met with huge resistance from those around me. I ached from the hurt, the rejection and embarrassment. So I made a decision: to never communicate these ideas again. My new way of seeing the world (from a spiritual/consciousness perspective) seemed so strange, so radical, so unacceptable to the average person, I believed there was no way I could ever help people to understand. Then, inwardly guided to leave my field, I went into virtual seclusion from expressing my core work and ideas. That was 1982.
It took over 20 years to just crack open my “spiritual closet”, i.e. begin talking about spirituality one on one, then publicly. Plus another decade to continue healing and face the many other issues I had also suppressed (including the “Course”). But this year, I finally did it.
On January 15th, in Vancouver, I told my full story. For the first time, I shared why I’d left my field; my questions about the roots of our problems and why they keep growing, how to deal with our conflicts and create change more successfully; and “the consciousness shift” so many of us say is needed, but don't know how to get there.
It was truly a liberating moment. A time of finding my voice and sharing my truths once again. Reconnecting with the work I’d once valued; yet now with some answers and experience to back them up. And, quite literally, starting my career all over again... all this, three days before my 60th birthday.
It’s been a long time ‘coming out.’ I’m still feeling a bit shaky on next steps. But I am deeply grateful to have finally come home again...
Centre for Spirituality at Work